Those Not As We Are

The food abundant festivities are fast approaching, there is a lot to be thought of, dear reader, recipes to be gathered, gifts to be begged for, fat men in red to be appeased with baked offering, many more holidays are celebrated than my whiteness lets me remember. But there is a group, a large one though many would seem to be in doubt of the fact, those that need special consideration in regards their dietary choices. Now, fret not, fatigued reader, I’m not saying we need to be all-encompassing bastions of patience and kindness, no, no, just be mindful of these people I’m about to describe. They can’t help what they are. Though perhaps they could, I mean here we all are, trying to enjoy the festivities and up pipes a voice asking what it is they’re eating. Again and again they lament that it has to be a very specific type of food stuff to accommodate their needs, they can’t eat this, they can’t eat that. On and on it goes. I of course speak of that group of people who eat wheat.

I know, I know, cool your blood, riotous readership, blame not them for they know not what they do.You supply them with delicious baked goods, made from wholesome buckwheat, delicious almonds, perhaps even engineered from proprietary blends and they look at you in askance, the poor vacuous people, but don’t be cruel to them, be kind, or try to be. Explain patiently that it is indeed edible, why you’d be eating it if it isn’t is still a mystery, it tastes wonderful too, which they’d be able to ascertain if they’d just try rather than waste your time with all too numerous questions. Know that there will be a seemingly endless supply of them and prepare in advance, perhaps with a large bat or a trapdoor. Whatever you do know they eventually they will fade away and you can resume your normal routine in regards eatables, knowing that there are those who eat, I shudder to type it, wheat, but thankfully you aren’t one of those dreaded people. You’re, as I am, perfectly normal. So rest easy, when someone asks you for a wheat-based treat, smile indulgently, look at them with disguised pity and, gently mind, practice the noble art of defenestration, because let’s face it: Why can’t they just eat the same as the rest of us?

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