These Are The Times That Try Jack’s Ingenuity

 photo WP_20160609_003_e_zps6eyqjtzt.jpgYes, yes, I know. A second garden post. Bah! Phooey to the naysayers to them from me.

Oh, dear reader of mine, hold poor Jack for he’s all shook up. No doubt there are gardeners of note, of experience tutting at poor Jack’s struggles, they sit in their greenhouses, probably on a throne of vines, with nary a thought for idiots like myself and you, where are you going dearest reader? Be an idiot with Jack! Okay serious discussion time. Nah, back to silliness. I’ve been caught with my pants down, no not literally, I mean I’ve been caught on the hop, yeah I know you’d hop with your pants down too. Okay, I’ve been caught unaware. Better? Yeah, I’m a real word-smith. What’s up? Well, if you remember Mystery Pumpkin, the seed that I started because I never learn. Well it’s a vine type squash.

 photo WP_20160609_008_e_zps03sewvmq.jpg*Pauses for dramatic effect*

 photo WP_20160609_002_e_zpsbjz2juqa.jpgYou still there, reader?

Not only that, I had to move it and lug another squash over fences and behind bushes. Then I had to attempt to build a frame for them to climb up. There’s three butternut squash and one pumpkin. Of which the immature squash is yellow. I’m really out of my depths here and that’s not humility. Really, I don’t know how this works, I only have a vague idea thanks to Google, but no practical experience. So I bought six foot bamboo rods, plunged those into the ground outside the pot. Tied it at the top to make a wigwam and then twisted a continuous length of clothesline to make a trellis of sorts. Whether it will work is anyone’s guess. I even used an old willow climbing frame on one of the squash because it was there and I ran out of clothesline.

 photo WP_20160609_004_e_zpsulpljrwj.jpgI was going to kill it, but I couldn’t.

 photo WP_20160609_007_e_zpsnz7s6ypn.jpgLook at the vine thing grippy thingy…I don’t know.

I had to bend the small pumpkin vine to fit as I didn’t realise how big it’d gotten. I saw it, got swamped with other tasks and then it went wild. It has a flower, a female one!, starting. I’m having fun, but at the same time I’d love a guarantee that I’m doing alright, you know? I could’ve let the squash trail along the ground but slugs, dogs, rain etc. Now I gently direct its growth and hope. The butternut wasn’t too bad as it was still fairly small, but the pumpkin took some work. I hope people don’t mind me sharing, the recipes are slow because I’ve been really busy every day. Maybe it’ll inspire someone, probably in what not to do, but still. Next stage is pantihose for the squash. That’s to support them when they grow and keep water out, not because they’d be naked otherwise. The bush squash get coffee cup lids to keep them off the ground.

 photo WP_20160609_009_e_zpstvk3rvxc.jpgI’ll add more rope as needed. I just ran it up and tied it occasionally.

 photo WP_20160609_011_e_zpsntza2rid.jpgWhat even is this!?!

 photo WP_20160609_012_e_zpsyvwjvm7e.jpgJust don’t die on me.

Consider this part two of the previous post. I’ll probably still keep you updated on the garden, but I don’t want to be a pest with too many posts. If you’re a beginner, I mean a never even been in a garden you could ask Jack for help. Though I may just start  crying and entreat you to flee. Same goes for the food side of things, I know a few tricks in each, I’m not the world’s best teacher, or that good at all really. But I am here and I may know something you don’t. As for those who know plenty, well, actually go ask them. I’ll ask them too, maybe they’ll weed my garden for me. Jack be resourceful, Jack be slick, Jack be lying and wants to be sick. I can try if nothing else! Until later! *Charges into garden*

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